Escargot, Mademoiselle?
by WhiskyFlower
Summary: Sharpay and Ryan's trip to Paris goes awry as they lose their luggage. Without any money, passports and Prada how will these two survive? Please Review.
1. Chapter 1

**Escargot, Mademoiselle?**

The Evans twins were rarely seen without each other. To a common outsider who knew nothing about the Evan family dynamics they might see it as endearing and sweet but to all who knew the Evans endearing and sweet didn't revolve in the same circles with Sharpay and Ryan. The reason why the Evan twins were rarely seen without each other was because Ryan was very faithful to his sister. Not the familial loyalty but the lapdog, servant, lackey sort of loyalty. If Sharpay told Ryan to jump he would ask how high.

To a common outsider watching the Evans' poolside they would think that Sharpay and Ryan must be the most adorable pair of siblings she/he has ever seen. Sharpay, who was lounging on a pool chair, cool lemonade in hand, was busy talking to Ryan who was standing up and nodding his head vigorously.

But to people who knew the Evans family they knew that Sharpay was busy bossing Ryan around.

"Ryan! Are you listening!?" Sharpay snapped seeing as Ryan's attention was waning.

"Of course," Ryan said snapping back into reality. He was imagining the cool air of an air conditioner. He was wearing a polo shirt and slacks. Not a good combination for the blaring heat of the sun.

"Well what did I just say?" she asked her voice dropping dangerously low.

"Um…you want mother to change your outfits for the Chanel shoot?" Ryan asked with a hint of uncertainty.

He waited for Sharpay to tell him that he's wrong.

"Yes. They were on Chanel Iman on _her _shoot. I want mine to be different because I happen to be Sharpay Evans," she said haughtily sipping her lemonade.

"Right. Can I go now?" Ryan asked his polo shirt getting wet with sweat.

"Maybe…but I feel like I forgot to tell you something…," Sharpay said rubbing her chin thoughtfully.

"I think you've covered just about everything. You already told me to pick up your new Versace dress, exchange your Jimmy Choo pumps for a pink one and tell mother-''

"Oh wait! Now I remembered! You're coming to Paris with me," she snapped.

"What? But Sharpay your shoot is the same time as when I'm due to sing at the orphanage," Ryan whined.

"Ryan, Ryan, Ryan….." Sharpay said standing up. She grabbed Boi who was sitting on a pillow. Ryan backed away. His sister looked scary with that crazed glint in her eye.

"Who else will lug my luggage around? You will go to Paris with me. You will help carry my stuff. And you will act like a good and obedient—er...helpful brother I meant—or I will tell everyone why you wanted to sing in the orphanage in the first place," Sharpay said with triumph.

Ryan just stood there frozen unable to come up with anything to say.

Just then Boi gave a bark.

"Well….," Sharpay asked glowering at Ryan.

"Yes. Of course Sharpay. I should be a good and obedient…I mean helpful brother," Ryan said slowly scampering off.

"I'll tell mother what you told me!" Ryan called running away.

Satisfied Sharpay sat down in the pool chair stroking Boi with a contended smile.

…

The airport was bustling with people. Ryan was busy trying to carry his beige knapsack while simultaneously pushing Sharpay's cart filled with three gigantic pink, rhinestone rimmed bags.

"You would think that we'd be there for three months," Ryan muttered.

Walking ahead of him was Sharpay who was walking like a runway model with a Gucci bag in hand. She was wearing a pink dress paired of with her newly exchanged pink Jimmy Choos. They entered through the metal detectors and they left their entire luggage with the security guards who were busy loading them up. After handing their tickets over they all found their seats in the first class section.

"You know Sharpay, I think those orphans were really disappointed," Ryan muttered fifteen minutes later.

"I think it wasn't the orphans who you didn't want to disappoint Ryan," Sharpay said flicking a stray lock of her blonde hair away.

Ryan then became red.

"Well….uh…"

"No need. I'm quiet as a mouse," Sharpay said a little too mischievously.

Ryan sunk back into his seat.

Sharpay is never quiet.

…

It was getting close to evening and Sharpay was having trouble deciding what to eat for dinner. Ryan had already chosen his meal: creamed cream dory with a hint of honey sided with crispy gourmet potato chips. Sharpay was caught between the choice of lamb and venison.

"What does your chef prepare best?" Sharpay asked.

The flight attendant who was standing beside her chair was clearly getting impatient.

"Smoked fish," the flight attendant said with gritted teeth.

"No! What I mean is what he prepares better between venison and lamb?" Sharpay snapped getting annoyed.

"Just answer venison. She loves venison," Ryan whispered urgently.

"Venison," the flight attendant answered promptly.

"Very well then. I guess that's what I'll have," Sharpay said snapping the menu shut.

"Thanks. But I don't get it. Why did it take her so long to order?" the flight attendant asked as she took Ryan's menu.

"Nah. She always orders venison in the end. But before that she always balks in long minutes deciding her order," Ryan whispered back.

The flight attendant left leaving Sharpay and Ryan to be alone again. The past few hours of their trip was agonizing—to Ryan anyway. Their were only four people in the first class section and they were sitting so far apart from each other that Ryan and Sharpay were basically alone.

After they finished talking about the orphans Sharpay began to admire her manicure. Ryan who was growing bored decided to have some fun by turning on their personal TVs (only first class sections get it. The other sections have to share one big TV) and switching it on. The TV opened to Kiss playing a live concert. Rock music blared from the speakers and the next thing Ryan knew, something sharp hit his head and flicked his hat away.

"Ryan! I do not want to be disturbed!" she hissed.

Ryan quickly turned off the TV, scurried for his hat before saying a quick "Yes ma'am."

During three o'clock Ryan felt sleepy so he leaned back and dozed off for awhile. Apparently it was the exact time Sharpay felt bored. After waking him up Sharpay launched into a long talk about her upcoming shoot. Ryan tried desperately not to fall asleep but his head was swimming. He didn't know what happened but he was sure that he fell asleep because when he woke up he was lying face down on the floor.

"You're so rude. Sleeping while I'm talking," Sharpay grumbled as he sat down.

An hour later, after Sharpay allowed Ryan to sleep in peace he heard a shriek.

"What was that!?" Ryan asked looking around wildly.

"It's just Veronica screaming. Andrew slept with Rachel again," Sharpay said her eye glued to the TV.

He immediately recognized it as the soap opera General Doctors. Sharpay was crazy about that show. Personally he thought it was a bit too melodramatic.

"They have cable?" he asked incredulously.

"No of course not. But I paid the captain to have that boring concert changed so I can watch General Doctors," Sharpay said showing him the CD cover.

After being agonized into watching every single episode of season one in an effort to start a conversation he asked Sharpay, "So what did I miss?"

Wrong move.

Sharpay sat up and looked at Ryan and began her long siege:

"Lily was in the hospital suffering ICU from a broken nail, while Jessa was about to commit suicide because she found out that her Gucci bag was faux. And Astor was mad at Betty because she cheated on a married man while he was vacationing with his wife and Caryl was about to become the world's first three-year-old scientist…."

Ryan groaned and prayed the trip to be over.

Then came dinner and after taking thirty minutes to order Sharpay decided on her meal. The flight attendant came back with their meals and after they ate Sharpay began to grow restless.

"When will we arrive there?" she demanded.

"On midnight," Ryan yawned.

Sharpay then decided to talk again about what she would wear when she meets the Chanel photographer.

…

It was midnight when they arrived in Paris and Ryan who was getting drowsy waited for their luggage. He watched as the luggage counter revolved and was on a lookout for Sharpay's bags. Thirty minutes had passed and he hadn't seen any sign of Sharpay's luggage. Sharpay who had decided to start her shopping at the airport stores came back and was annoyed to find that her pink bags weren't with Ryan.

"Ryan! Where's our luggage?"

"I don't know," Ryan muttered.

"What do you mean you don't know?" Sharpay demanded.

"Its not there!" Ryan said getting sweat with nervousness.

"Please, next you'll tell me that our luggage is lost," Sharpay said sarcastically.

"…."


	2. Chapter 2

**No Prada**

Ryan paced aback and forth nervously while Sharpay yelled at three different people. He was getting worried. It was a big, gigantic catastrophe. First Sharpay marched all the way to counter and there was a big misunderstanding between languages since Sharpay didn't really pay much attention to their French lessons. After that Sharpay lost her temper and she ended up yelling all over the place that they called the security guards. Ryan had to coax them that Sharpay wasn't trouble. Then after they left Sharpay went back to yelling.

"MY LUGGAGE! DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND? LUG-GAGE!" she yelled.

The manager cowered behind a pilot.

*1"Mademoiselle, que nous voudrions voir votre passeport," the manager said.

"What?" Sharpay asked a little too loudly.

"Passeport," he repeated.

"I think he wants to look at our passports," Ryan whispered.

A look of realization dawned on Sharpay's face.

"Oh. That's it? Well I happen to have my passport right here….," Sharpay said opening her bag.

After skimming through its contents for awhile she frowned.

*2"La mademoiselle, peut nous vous voir passeport?" the manager prompted losing his cowardice.

"I think we placed it in the luggage Shar….," Ryan said nervously.

"Luggage? Don't be stupid Ryan. Only dum dums put their passports inside their luggage," Sharpay snickered.

"But don't you remember?! You're bag was too stuffed and so was mine so you placed it in the left pocket. Boi even barked at it….,"

"Omigosh! Boi!" Sharpay squealed looking wildly around.

*3"Ces Américains sont très fous," the manager whispered behind their back.

*"Ils ont laissé un garçon dans leur bagage ?" the pilot said incredulously.

"Forget about Boi! What about our passports," Ryan frowned.

*5"Ils doivent être des criminels ! Ils ont laissé un garçon dans un de leur bagage et tout qu'ils s'inquiètent est environ leurs passeports," the manager said.

"This matter could be cleard out. I happen to have my master cards with me!" Sharpay said opening her bag. After a few minutes she looked up ashen-faced.

"It's not here. It must be in the luggage!" Sharpay groaned.

"We do have money right Shar?" Ryan said desperately.

"No! I spent it all on these new designer duds!" Sharpay wailed showing him the bags.

"Great we have no money, no passports and…"

"No Prada! Omigosh, I will die!" Sharpay groaned.

"Look we'll just have to tell these guys that this is all a mix-up and if they let us have one call…."

"You're right Ryan! I need my Prada! I'll tell them," Sharpay said facing them again.

"But they don't even understand us," Ryan said.

"I happen to have taken French in school," Sharpay said marching over towards them.

"Je suis Sharpay Evans. Je suis une prostituée d'Amérique qui des plans sur planter une bombe. Mon frère Ryan a caché la bombe dans mon notre bagage. Ce qui est pourquoi nous avons besoin de notre bagage. Dans notre lugage il y a nos passeports et bombes. Je veux également mon Prada. Je mourrai sans mon Prada (I am Sharpay Evans. I am a prostitute from America who plans on planting a bomb. My brother Ryan hid the bomb in our luggage. This is why we need our luggage. In our luggage are our passports and bombs. I also need my Prada. I would die without my Prada)," Sharpay said. She didn't understand the look of horror in their faces.

*6"Elle est une prostituée?" the manager yelled.

*7 "Elle dit qu'elle porte une bombe. Son frère doit être un terroriste!" the pilot cried.

"What?" Sharpay said.

"Um Shar what did you say?" Ryan asked as he saw the manager and the pilot advance towards them.

"I just said that I want my luggage because my cherry bomb candies happen to be in there. And also my Prada," Sharpay grumbled. Suddenly two handcuffs chained them together.

*8"Vous êtes en état d'arrestation dans le soupçon du terrorisme," a police officer said grimly.

"I hope that's French for, we'll buy you Calvin Klein," Ryan grumbled.

"Don't be ridiculous Ryan. It obviously means that he thinks you're a terror to look at," Sharpay said.

…

Translations:

*1 Ms, please show us your passports

*2 Ms, please show us your passports

*3 These Americans are crazy

*4 They left a boy inside their luggage?

* 5 What criminals! They left a boy inside their luggage and all they care about si their passports.

*6 She is a prostitute?

*7 She says she is carrying a bomb. Her brother must be a terrorist!

*8 You are under arrest in suspicion of terrorism


End file.
